


everything is crashing to the ground

by CadetDru



Series: The Arc of an Archangel [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), they/them pronouns for Raphael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:46:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22991950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadetDru/pseuds/CadetDru
Summary: This story is only a dream: there never was a Serpent. There was no graceful Fall from Grace, no Saunter Downwards.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Raphael (Good Omens)
Series: The Arc of an Archangel [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640089
Kudos: 11





	1. I bring you apples from the vine

Crowley didn't always dream, didn't always have the same dream. It came more often than not, an exploration of when he could have Fallen instead. He knew that a Fall had been inevitable. He had too much imagination to be another harp-plucking angel for all of eternity. He'd been wasted as an archangel.

Raphael only wanted to help Creation, wanted to understand it. They didn't understand why the goal of understanding was such a bad thing. They didn't turn Adam and Eve away from the Tree because why was it there if not to feed them? They didn't need any temptation, didn't need a forked tongue in their ear encouraging them. 

It was there as a test. Raphael would have learned about God's Tests there and then if they hadn't already. Crowley had been worried that it was the right thing to do, and Raphael would have been worried that it was the bad thing.

If Raphael had been there, then Aziraphale wouldn't have needed to be. Guarding the Garden was important work, but not important enough for an archangel. And Aziraphale didn't need any kind of micromanagement. So, Aziraphale would have been alone when the fruit was eaten. So, Aziraphale would have given away his sword and no ethereal or occult entity would know.

Except. Raphael would call Aziraphale in for a little chat, to review the lessons to be learned. Raphael would judge Aziraphale for giving away his weapon instead of using it. A Raphael who had not fallen would not be the sort to condone unfettered, unreasoning kindness and pity. They would still have the stomach-lurching feeling of Falling, even if it was only falling in love. Even if it was only falling into their own state of pity. Their fall, lowercase f, would be entirely because of Aziraphale.

It would be worth it. The world was worth it. 


	2. I plead insanity cause I can't leave but I can't stay

Falling would have been more difficult after Eden. The Almighty was more forgiving of angels, less forgiving of humans. Raphael would have been up to the challenge. They could have Fallen from Grace. Raphael was good at asking the wrong kind of questions. Babel could have done it. More likely It would have been Cain and Abel. There were many potential moments that would have been available. 

In the waking world, the world as it was, Crowley had not Fallen for the sake of any set group of humans. They hadn't existed yet. Raphael just wanted to know about existence itself. In the dream world, they would have learned without asking. Falling after the world began would be more painful. It wouldn't necessarily be harder, wouldn't be further. It would have more weight behind it. Humanity existed between Heaven and Hell. It would be a marker of how far Raphael had gone. 

They would have wanted to help the humans.

Crowley didn't know if Raphael would have done anything as foolish as give away a flaming sword for a pregnant woman to protect herself with. He assumed that he would, or that he wouldn't have to. Aziraphale giving his sword away was the kind of gesture that caught attention. If Gabriel had been more focused on the Garden, he would have seen it before the Almighty. They would have known what Aziraphale had done.

Would Raphael have noticed? Would they have condoned what Aziraphale had done? Would they Fall to protect him, to protect the fledgling humans? What else could they have done? 

Raphael wouldn't have been able to stand the beginnings of humanity. Sooner or later, they would have plunged straight into Hell in the hopes of providing the humans with a soft landing. They would have made a carpet of heir own feathers that Adam and Eve could walk on. 

They couldn't stay after Abel's death, after Noah and sons watched the rain come down, after the sacrifices that people had to make. Raphael couldn't go on with all of that.


	3. maybe I'm not what you had in mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I'm not your perfect kind

Crowley was always disoriented the first moments after he woke up. Before he could get around to processing where he was and what war was going on around him, he had to remember who he was. The demon Crowley existed somewhere in between Hell and Earth, in the spectrum of all of the potential options available to the one being. 

Anthony J. Crowley was no ordinary human, no true human at all. Archangel Raphael wasn't an option, but would have shone like the sun itself. The demon Crawly had died soon after Raphael, a skin that Crowley shed. It was difficult to tell which aspect was supposed to be called forth.

If there was electric lighting available near or around the bed, then Anthony J. Crowley's name had been used somewhere along the way. It was the identity that would have to be used eventually. It could wait until he got up. He could lie in bed a while longer and be himself, whoever that was. 

It wasn't a journey of self discovery, it was just trying to forget the dreams and put on the right kind of face.


	4. I bring you everything that floats into your mind

In dreams, anything can happen. Physics is even less important than it normally is. Events don't have to follow one another. Anything and everything can be true. The best dreams end up being nightmares. Raphael waking up in Crowley's body is enough to make both of them weep. 

The arrangement could still be there. It would just be Aziraphale working not for Crowley but Raphael. There were far more possibilities. They could always be with Aziraphale. Heaven and Hell wouldn't be splitting the two of them apart. There would be no excuses. 

It wasn't always the first thought that Crowley had when he woke up, but it was always in the mix. Then he would wake up, and set about looking into all that he had missed. Finding out what Aziraphale had been doing, for Good or for Evil, in his absence. Sometimes the Arrangement kept on its own track while Crowley slept. Aziraphale was his own guardian angel, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> You with your silky words  
> And your eyes of green and blue  
> You with your steel beliefs  
> That don't match anything you do


End file.
